Thought of home bring me tears

The thought of my native place brings nightmares and depression so much that my stomach churns breathing becomes shallow my limbs become numb.It is 12 years or more I have not been home do know who is there and who is not.I am the most coward man in the world. I don't want to hear any news either. Life was a tragedy. The sight of a letter from home made me catches my breath. There was always a bad news and request to do something for my sisters and help for other problems. I am the eldest of all my brothers and sisters. I have changed my address several times. My breast is loaded and heavy and breathing shallow as I write this message.